Hate the Pats, love the Pats, doesn’t really matter. You can’t deny the greatness of Belichick, he’s been ridiculously successful all while remaining as mysterious as possible.

I know, dude is a huge fucking cheater. But so what? It’s professional sports, literally everyone is looking for a leg up. Cheat back. Who gives a shit? When he gets caught he pays the price, New England has given up a handful of 1st round picks because of it and he’s even paid a $500,000 fine before.

First there was the tuck rule, then there was Spygate, followed up with Deflategate. But now he’s moved on from cheating and into a completely different stratosphere. Full blown war tactics.

Let’s say you have a dual-threat Hawaiian quarterback with a physical defense coming to town, how would you game plan? Maybe utilize a linebacker as a spy to neutralize his mobility? Not Bill, how about pulling some strings and having a false nuclear threat directed at his home state? Hard to concentrate on the game when your entire family is on life’s hot seat. I’m just connecting the dots, who knows? But I have heard whispers that defensive coordinator Matt Patricia is “rocket scientist” smart. Rockets, missiles? Hmmmm…

Let’s say after the Hawaii Faux-0 missile crisis you have to face a team with one of the most dominant defenses in years. But that team’s offense relies solely on a generational rookie running back because their quarterback is probably the 31st best out of the league’s 32 starters? How would you game plan? Probably stack 8 men in the box and force that shit quarterback to beat you through the air right? Uh uh uh, not Bill. He’d rather just hire a guy to cause a vehicular accident involving said generational rookie running back. Can’t run on us if you can’t walk. Again, no evidence, but come on guys. We know what’s going on. Eric Mangini is from the Belichick coaching tree, and he was on the Sopranos once. You expect me to believe Bill doesn’t have the connections?

All theories aside, we all need to take a moment to appreciate what he’s doing in this sport. He’s constantly evolving his game plan, while my grandfather can’t even use a Roku remote. Regardless of losing first round draft picks every other year he finds talent to win with. Yeah maybe they’re all white and he’s possibly a racist Klan leader, but that’s a debate for another time. Bill Belichick is going to go down as the greatest football coach ever, and we get to watch him mind fuck his way into Canton. How lucky are we?